There Is No Saint Ellen

#62

Read More

#63 I had sex for the first time when I was 17

Read More

#64 Inside of my head I’m articulate, well-spoken, and thoughtful.

When I open my mouth a bunch of garbled junk comes out in a monotonous voice that I really wish didn’t belong to me. I lack the eloquence of proper enunciation and when I talk I sometimes stutter or say the wrong thing first. I feel like I’m always swallowing my tongue. 

I’m convinced this makes me sound like an idiot to other people. That’s why when my followers tell me that I’m so articulate and well-spoken, I’m flabbergasted and a bit skeptical. 

I’d absolutely love it if all of my communication was done in a written format. I’m getting better, though. I’m slowing myself down and at work I’m only speaking when it’s truly necessary. Every little bit helps.

#65 I dream about living a big life

Read More

#66 I never feel more alone than when I’m at work, surrounded by hundreds of people.

#67 My followers send me some of the best asks

I wish I could publish some of them or keep them in my box forever because I absolutely adore what you write to me. I love you all so much and I wish to the gods that I could meet every single one of you and hug you.

Your gracious words and beautiful messages, I promise, will be returned in kind. 

#68 I thought I didn’t have secrets anymore

I was wrong.

#69 I’ve had sex in some of the weirdest places.

#70 Sometimes I know how to act in a social situation but I’m not actually feeling the emotions behind it

For example: Someone could be telling me very shocking news and I just don’t feel anything. I can act surprised or devastated, whatever the situation calls for, but I don’t actually feel it within me. 

It bothers me so much because I’ve always been an empathetic person and I know that I care about so many things, especially things that affect the world around me.

I can’t understand why I don’t respond on an emotional level anymore. The understanding is there, the need is there, the actual impact is not. It’s like I’ve disconnected some piece of me that feels anger or sadness or passion. 

This doesn’t happen all the time, but it always makes me wonder.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

#71 TW: Rape

Read More